I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
