WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
