this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
