Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
