All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
