we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
