This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
