I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
