I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
