So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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