the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
