I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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