remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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