she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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