listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
