How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
