your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
