Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
