his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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