We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
