Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
