Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
