what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
