This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
