I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
