when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
