I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
