I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
