he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
