fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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