At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
