Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
