You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
