Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
