you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
