why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
