i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
