all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
