Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
