Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
