I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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