Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
