Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
