Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize