my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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