OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
