I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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