Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
