When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
