I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
