girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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