If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
