she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
