If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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