Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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