You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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