So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
