oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
