I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
