There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
