First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize