I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
