I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
