I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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