we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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