Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
