Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
