her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im holly from the hills drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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