The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
