We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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