What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
