please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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