You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
