Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.