Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
