Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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