She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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